Michelle Obama threw a fit in public this morning after she learned that Melania Trump has discontinued her disgusting school lunch program and replaced it with something much more practical. The former first lady watched the news on a television at Mr. Bagel in Alexandria and immediately flew off the handle.
“She went crazy,” said Sayeed al-Salaham, the store’s owner, “She was grunting like an animal and throwing whatever she could get her hands on. After she left the secret service ended up paying more than $100 for food she destroyed.”
Obama was apparently upset at the announcement that her lunch program, which she considers her “legacy,” is being scrapped. Jeff Derpinger of the White House Office of Information and Propaganda commented that Melania Trump’s plan is far more practical:
The First Lady thinks kids will be happier eating what they’re used to eating. Instead of forcing salads and fruit on kids from poor neighborhoods who don’t eat a lot of that stuff, give them hot dogs, corn on the cob, a piece of watermelon and some grape drink. Kids in more affluent neighborhoods will be happy to eat those cobb salads and broiled fish filets the poor kids don’t want. It’s a matter of practicality. This way, fewer lunches will be thrown away and the government will only spend what it needs to in each district.”
It’s a perfect plan. What poor kid wants to look at steamed broccoli and what wealthier kid wants fish sticks and collard greens? The bottom line is, it’s time to stop wasting money on things like fancy lunches for kids who won’t appreciate them and secret service protection for nasty women who don’t appreciate them.
No charges were filed against Obama for her little tantrum. Of course.